DBH3 Hash #759

2004-Mar-17

St. Pattys Day

Hare: Jacuzzi Whore & Nature F*ck

Hounds: (I apologize in advance if I spelled your name wrong) Limp Dick, Whore E Potter, Fiiivvve Gooolddennn Riiiings, Just Tim, Skinamax, No Blow, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Gilligan, Richard Pierce, Waayyy Beyond Gay, Nunya F*ckin' Business, Burning Bush, Flash, Virgin Laura, I Wear Short Shorts, Just Laid, Lunar E-clit, Wolves Down Semen, Muffin Eater, Lex Loins, Manacocky, Peterphile, Sweet Ass Pea, Horny Babe, Nookie Knacks, Just Carol, Jake Off, Missing Link, CooCoo 4 Coconuts, Mt. Dora, Felix the Crack, Hairy Itchy Bunghole, Just Dave, Buttcrack, Red Snapper, Down-n-Dirty, Crapper John, Thanks for the Mammaries, Star 69, Latrine Wolverine, Semicumfucter, Jethrow, Cursor, Mothsucker, Studwitch, Dirve, Otis, Spoke Her, Swamp Swindler, Drippy, Animal Mom, Jock Itch, Queen of Farts, Chicken Choker, Buzz Litebeer, Ass Packet, Just Puke, Muddy Mallard Mole Fucker, Mary Lou Rectum, Doofus White Boy

More Photos

It's that time of year again...time to dig those ugly green clothes out of the closet and get yer arse to Jacuzzi Whore's world famous St. Patty's day hash. Nobody really wears that color at any other time of the year, do they? Anyhoo (don't ya hate that word??), this was supposed to be counted as a Daytona hash, but since less than a third of the hounds were from Daytona, can we still count it? Of course we can. A reminder for all you wankers that didn't show up...you don't have to be IRISH to celebrate St. Patrick's Day!

Cursor was wearing the traditional shroud of St. Patrick, which looks like a dust mop dyed green, but who am I to say that St. Patrick didn't wear a dust mop dyed green? Maybe that's what drove all those snakes out of Ireland. Snake 1: "Hey let's get the hell out of here. That freak has a dust mop on his head." Snake 2: "Yeah, and it's green. I'm outta here."

So, Jacuzzi Whore took off and it was Cursor's job to get us warmed up. He started chanting, "We go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong. Remembered forever as shoo-bop sha whada whadda yippidy boom da boom. Chang chang changity chang shoo bop that's the way it should be. Waooo Yeah!" Okay, that's that song from Grease, but I was peeing on the other side of the parking lot and didn't hear what he really said. Here's what I got... "Something...something...asphalt below...give us a trail that we don't know." Then he made the virgins kiss the shroud...eeewww! Otis pointed out that if you happen to get a DUI (Gilligan, Puke...pay attention), the courthouse was very nearby.

The first beer stop in the beer garden was a long one. This is where latecummers, Short Shorts, Doofus & Mary Lou Rectum joined us. This is also where one of Sanford's finest stopped by to say hello. After a quick chat with Jacuzzi Whore & Nature F*ck, he was on his merry way. Short Shorts let out a big sigh of relief...

Trail went left out of the beer garden, then right and a short walk through a not-so-fine neighborhood, then another left(?) to Rhythm and Brews Bar & Grill. It was hot as balls in there. Muddy and Buzz joined us. Purple and Sauer Crotch were also there, but I don't remember seeing them later so I think they just stopped by to say hello (or possibly I was too drunk to remember seeing them later). Lots of interesting things happened at the R&BB&G. Link was overheard saying, "Let me make my ears look like her (Coconuts') boobs." Okay, first of all, why??? Second, you'd better buy a neck brace because those things will break your neck. Third, if you can really do that you'll be a rich man! A rich man who would never leave his house. Hairy Itchy Bunghole seemed nervous when he saw me taking notes. "Who are you with?" I gave him some smartass answer, then he asked again, "No, seriously, who are you with?" "Ummm...dude, relax...it's me, Cockpit...I'm a hasher!" Cursor was dancing while painting (yes, painting) himself and others. The civilians thought he was having a seizure and almost called 911 (just kidding Cursor-I wish I had that much energy!). Ass Packet & Limp Dick asked to be put in the hash trash, but neither did anything trashworthy. Sorry. One of the redneckish bar patrons was checking everyone that used the ladies room to make sure they were really ladies. He lucked out and even saw a boob or two (definitely NOT Cockpit's, though!). We blew this joint when the rope lights around the front windows started to catch on fire. Seriously.

Tin Lizzie's was our final stop. They were serving the same crappy food as always, but this year they were charging $3.50 a plate...for not even a full plate...and they didn't have change...so Jacuzzi Whore ordered pizza. There was some major armwrestling action in the back room where a skinny redneck was challenging everybody that walked by. Very entertaining.

I was picturing you all naked when I wrote this.

On-On til next time,

-Cockpit

Last modified: Saturday, 2009-May-02 08:44:27 PM CDT