DBH3 Hash #765

Goofy's directions to the start in Tiger Bay State Forest went something like this ... Indian Lake Road for .8 miles (which was really closer to 1.8). Dirt road (did anybody else enjoy the bumpy ride or was it just me?!?). Stop. Sign in (everyone signed in using their hash names-that should give Ranger Rick something to talk about). Curve. Straight. Look for "tail walker" sign...but the slightly larger than usual pack managed to find it. State Forest = Ranger = call cops = bad. Passing State Trooper on way in = bad. Despite all of that, the hash went off without a hitch. Here's what I can decipher from the notes I took...I really need to get a tape recorder...

During chalk talk, the hare taught us that orange survey chalk stuff glows under neon lights (Damn-I left my neon light at home). He "borrowed" some little blinky lights from Disney to use on trail, along with t.p., flour and the orange crap. No unusual marks, no countbacks...on-on.

The first part of trail went through a little shiggy to a dirt road where the hare gave us a circle jerk, which was really a semi-circle jerk, into some shiggy on the left, then right back out into shiggy across the road. This was an entirely shiggy trail...duh...we were in a state forest. On one stretch of trail there was a particularly pungent odor, which some said smelled like sex. Just P.A.M. said it was actually deer pee (that's good to know if I ever go on Jeopardy or something... "I'll take things that smell like sex for $500, Alex"). Another part of the trail had the pack crossing some logs like balance beams. It became quite obvious there were no gymnasts among the group. Shortly after the hash gymnastics portion of trail was the beer stop, complete with several tasty varieties of cheese. No crackers, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.

Second half of trail was your basic, run-of-the-mill shiggy. Not too thick, not too difficult, no water, no snakes. Never did find the "tail walker" Goofy advertised. Circled up back where we started by the lake. Goofy treated us to some big ass fat boy cookies also "borrowed" from Disney. Can't you just picture him digging through the trash: "You're gonna throw those away?" By Disney standards, they were probably $5 cookies. He also treated us to "good" beer-no Red Dog here. When we thanked him for the cheese at the beer stop he said, "Cheese? I didn't bring any cheese."

The FRB (Pro Boner) and DFLs (Just Jack and Boney) were awarded chocolate bar prizes. (Sure...the one time I'm not DFL they get chocolate!). Yoke Choker finally earned his 25 hash whistle. Now if we could just get him to buy a hash shirt he'll look like a real hasher. Waayyy Beyond Gay demonstrated his version of naked fire jumping by jumping over the smudge pot (I really had no idea that thing was called a smudge pot...I heard somebody else call it that). Very impressive, but Crotch could give him a few pointers to improve his form. Nookie Knacks, I Wear Short Shorts and Skinamax did lazy-ass down-downs for sitting in circle. Naturally, they sat to drink too.

We had not one, not two, but THREE namings this week-Just Diane, Just Laura & Just Dawn. No Blow tried something new and called all 3 lovely harriettes into the circle at once for a group naming. It worked quite well, actually. They were all asked the same questions, but my feeble little mind can only remember the following information...

Just Diane works at Denny's, has linoleum "down there," she's a Pisces... "Grand Slam," "Smells Fishy To Me," and "Cooter Licking Good" were a few of the suggestions from the pack, but none of those were quite right. Thanks to a last minute suggestion from Peace Whore & Snake My Hole (I think), Just Diane will now be known as "Tuna Melt." Good one.

Just Laura answered almost as many questions as Nunya did at her naming (read: not many). She's an unemployed Cost Specialist-whatever that means, her favorite barnyard animal is the pig, when asked if she and Flash were married the response from Flash was "fuck you!" I'm guessing that's a no...20 years of unwedded bliss... "Pig Fucker," "Not In Kansas Anymore" (referring to the fact that she was carrying a little dog, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz), and a couple others that I didn't write in my notes...not good enough. "Flash In The Pants"...good enough.

Just Dawn is part of Just P.A.M's posse. We learned a lot about Just Dawn ...she's allegedly dating a PGA golfer-wouldn't give a name, her son kicked her in the (fake) boob and popped it, she wants to do a guy up the ass with a strap-on...any takers? "Pop-Tit," "Tiger's Wood," "Cooter Licking Good"...all good ideas, yes. Then..."Strap On-Strap Off"... turned into "Clapper" (like the commercial: "clap on, clap off")...what exactly is her name anyway???
(I have "Clapper" in my notes.)

Notable quotes: Skinamax: "I'm eating cheese now, I'll be cutting it later."

Nookie Knacks: "It's not as long as Dickler's, but it's longer than yours."

I wrote down several quotes, but I seem to have lost them. Those were the only two I can remember. I suck.

On-sucking-On,
-Cockpit-

Last modified: Saturday, 2009-May-02 08:44:27 PM CDT