DBH3 Hash #729

2003-Sep-10

Hares: Divde My Pi and Paid to Lay

Hounds: Amelia Airfart, Bitch Fucker, Bone My Ass, FFFFFFF, Flash, Gilligan, Gucking Foofy, I Wear Short Shorts, Jerry's Kid, Just Bryan, Just Jim, Just Jolana, Momma, Neutered, No Blow, Old Ironside, Pussy Comes Early, Richard Pierce, Rolling Hooters, Sunk'n Shit, Teddy Foreskin, Tongue in Groove, Toys in the Drawer, Waayyy, Wee Wee, Virgin Jason (with Amelia), and Virgin Kevin (with Hooters).

Early Visitors: Skinamax

Late Arrivers: Yoke Choker

So just after the hounds show up, a Hell's Angels club of golf-cart-driving RV owners start circling us like vultures. "Who you?" they asked. We let them know we were a local running club and that we had received permission to park our vehicles in their lovely park. "Uuhhh uuuuh," they say, "We don't know nuttin about that." It was strange how they all spoke simultaneously and didn't blink. One tried to touch innocent little Jason. Foofy jumped to his aid and stabbed the RVer in the eye with a stick. The creature let out a yelp, and all the cart-drivers skeeddattled.

The hares arrived shortly later. Pi insisted she had permission to park there and that we should not fear for our vehicles. She drove off with the beer and a man named Jim. Paid to Lay took off into the woods, and yelled back, "Give me 15 minutes." Momma asked why he needed so much time. You could see the mounds of toilet paper lining 92. Most of the trail must have been pre-laid.

Trail started through a few winding paths, down a nice stream and onto 92 ... and ... the loads of TP that Momma had mentioned seeing earlier. Foofy and Sunk'n Shit took off like an RVer after free rinds of pork. After we had all walked, jogged, or ran a half mile down the middle or side of the highway and on to Tomoka Consolidated, right across yonder from Pack It or Pull It, the FRBs stopped dead in their tracks. As each jogger and walked approached the two speed demons, Foofy and Shitty, had to explain that they had snared the hare and were giving him another 15 minutes to get away. Since we didn't want to get cold and stiff, at least not cold, most of us did a round of Father Abraham (The virgins were quite amused). Foofy climbed the nearby billboard to stand next to the 20 foot tall women.

After the walkers took off again, the joggers followed, and the runners ran over them, a truck pulled up behind Neutered, No Blow, and Teddy. Jim, the man who had dropped off Divide My Pi and the coolers of beer not fifteen minutes earlier, approached in his truck. He asked, "Now, where is that Joni lady?" We replied, "Huh? Oh, you mean - Divide My Pi." "Huh?" he responded. Once we explained that they were one in the same person, he asked where she was, cause she was a wily critter who had pulled the wool over his old eyes. You see, she had told him she had permission to be on the Tomoka Consolidated Property. He didn't bother to check until later ... whoops, he had been horn-swaddled. We followed the man over to where he dropped off the coolers and waited. He explained that the number one rule of the area was, "DO NOT PEE ON THE GROUND!" We agreed to hold it or recycle. Then he told us that hunters would not want to come there anymore, he'd get in trouble, and the sky would fall if we did pee ... Thus, we needed to go. Luckily, Tongue and Amelia were present. You see, every time Jim tried to kick us off the land, they would flash their tits and give him a beer. Poor Jim was unable to drive home by the end of the night. He kept muttering something about nipples or his inability to breathe.

Unfortunately, Jim was not in charge. Nope. The man in charge was Jamie. Jamie was Jim's son. Jamie was the one who would get fired if something bad happened. Jamie pulled up in his tractor, told us we needed to get signed permission and waivers from all participants ahead of time. Then he explained that he had done his job. No Blow asked if that meant he would call the cops next, or did it mean we could stay but he was not responsible if we got hurt. He agreed to the latter. Wee who! We did down-downs on top of a snake pit. Scary!

Jerry's Kid from Richmond, VA was the out-of-towner, Jason and Kevin were the virgins, FFFFFFF led the way for too-long-betweeners (She had not been to a hash in seven years or something), Jim (the truck driver) drank for marrying his son's wife's best friend or something, and a few others drank for a few other things. Bryan was put in circle to be named. Jerry's Kid asked him what the worst thing he ever had in his mouth was. He replied, "I am not giving you any ammo ... a gumball." Stupid, stupid Bryan. We need so little to shoot a gun. Later we found out his favorite farm animal was a rooster ... stupid, stupid Bryan. He informed us he would be moving to Connecticut soon, he was an astronaut, he once scaled Everest, he was a deep-sea fisherman, he lived on an island after his boat (the Minnow) crashed with a crew of dweebs, and he invented invisible paint and coconut radios.

After a short debate, his name came down to Any Cock'll Do or Gum My Balls. We flipped a coin and Gum My Balls stuck. Gum was so happy to have a name and to fit in, he screamed with delight, "You love me, you really do!"

The on-after was at Half Times, where Pi and Laid had left a meal ... sloppy Joes, baked beans, potato salad, and more. Groping, nudity, story-telling, and more occurred. Everyone seemed to have a great time.

Take care until next time!

-No Blow

Last modified: Saturday, 2009-Mar-07 05:30:58 PM EST