DBH3 Hash #736

2003-Oct-18

Biketoberfest!

Hounds who arrived at the hotel Friday night: Divide My Pi, Gilligan, Human Resources, IP Freely, Momma, No Blow, Paid to Lay, and Waayyy Beyond Gay

Hounds met on trail Friday night: Rambler/Ramblin' Man, Neil (sort of), Just Karen, and Came Without Her

Hounds who arrived Saturday before 3pm and had no intention of doing trail: Neutered (He wanted to pedal his wares and gawk at the goofs). When Neutered was asked why he doesn't do red dress runs, Neutered replied, "I only have a green dress ... I think red dresses make my ass look big." Since he is colorblind, no one believed him.

Hounds who arrived by 3pm on Saturday: Baaa (Charlotte), Back Door (Savannah/Daytona), Bike Bitch (BVD), Coconuts (Bike-O-Psycho), Cork Sucker, Flash, I Wear Short Shorts, Just Amanda (or some other name that starts with a letter), Just Bob, Just Lori (Charlotte), Latrine Wolverine (Orlando H3), Limp Dick, Meat (Savanah/DeLand/Virgin), Missing Link (Bike-O-Psycho), Richard Pierce, Shit Dickler, Sunk'n Shit, and Wood Liquor (BVD)

Hounds who arrived later than 3 pm on Saturday to do trail: Bone My Ass, Peterphile, and Pussy Comes Early

Other hashers who sort of appeared out of nowhere: 8's Enough, Just Brian (Husband of 8's), Just Betty-Lou (Future wife of the out-of-the-closet Licker Kicker), Licker Kicker, Peace Whore, Skinamax, and Snake My Hole

Hare: Waayyy Beyond Gay

More Photos

This was an awesome weekend ... here are some of the hi-lites in the order I remember them ...

1. Hanging out at the Iron Horse on Friday night, watching a drunk do a burn-out, and bumping into Rambler and Neil through a haze of smoke and rubber. A burnout is when a guy treis to get attention (This is much like hashers in red dresses, right Ramblin Man?) by spinning his back tire so much that a huge cloud of smoke billows up and gags the observers. A good burnout supposedly results in a flat tire, a worn down rim, and or death. We watched one particular young drunk try to spin his tire into oblivion. It was pure humor. He fell over, tried jumping up and down on his bike to make the tire pop, took off his clothes to get cheers and boos, and ended up blowing his engine, rather than his tire. Ramblin Man could believe he bumped into hashers. He knew it was a sign to show up on Saturday for the pub crawl.

2. Watching IP stick his finger in HR's mouth ... "I swear, she won't wake up. Watch what else I can put in her mouth ... "

2 1/2. Listening to the drunks on motorcycles and the night manager carry on conversations all through the night.

Drunk- "Do you have any rooms?"
Hotel Dude- "No, there are no vacancies."
Drunk- "Are you sure."
Hotel Dude- "Yes, that is why the sign says no vacancies."
Drunk- "Shit" followed by the sound of squealing rubber.

This was actually not a hi-lite. It was just the icing on the cake of the hotel. You see, our room had an adjoining door to the front desk. After chasing the roaches back under the covers and down the shower drain, removing the rusty and mildew-covered mop from the tub, watching the brown water run from the sink and shower, peeling the band-aids and condoms off the sheets, begging for a trash can, and putting a towel under the gap below the door, we endured bikers revving and asking stupid questions of the front desk until after 6 AM ... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

3. Watching the cop direct traffic in front of the hotel on Saturday morning (Some drunk ran through the intersection and took out the traffic light control box. It was an interesting sight).

4. Gawking at that lady dressed a thong and chaps before, during, and after breakfast. She had no tan lines. HR rivaled her performance when she bent over for that piece of toast, though.

5. Watching Limp Dick and Human Resources entertain the group at the first bar, the Tomoka Pub, with hyper guitar playing (LD) and awesome singing (HR).

6. Observing the creative outfits and the other people observing the creative outfits ...

Back Door would have easily won the costume contest if we were sober enough to have one. He wore a sleeveless floor-length red and white flowered dress to accent his muscles and many tattoos, gaudy gold jewelry including earrings and necklace, and a glittery purple cap that rested only on top of his cranium and tied down around his neck.

IP Freely would have placed in the contest with his Jimi Hendrix wig and red vest and skirt. Earlier, he entertained the hotel patrons with his guitar and singing, too.

Sunk'n Shit had his usual sequence dress that he acquired from Sir Flatulot. The dress, combined with the pink shoes, was a hit.

Wood Liquor borrowed No Blow's red feather boa and see-through lingerie. They looked amazing over his jeans and black shirt. This man is the happiest guy alive.

Cork Sucker had a nice set of pink bunny ears.

7. Witnessing the pack go into Iron Horse without any sign of trail or the hare. The pack heard beer was free with mugs, and there was no way they were going to wait for a stinking hare. Brave souls ... Actually, the brave souls were Peterphile and Waayyy (the hare) who arrived later and attempted to find the pack inside the bar on their own. Thank God for cell phones!

8. Watching 8's Enough threaten to kill the poor waitress if she served another guy before her. Later, watching the male hashers tell the waitress to ignore 8's Enough (It would have been a good ... no ... great fight).

9. Entering a bar at the Pig Pen with a sign on the door reading, "Tits on TV!" The cheers were abundant when the television showed women removing their tops. The boos were abundant when the tops were left on. All the breasts made virgin state, "I have a strong desire to remove my top." A local whipped a bottle of some magic potion out of his pocket and thrust it at the virgin. She obliged and took a huge gulp. Within a minute her top was up and over her head. The site was enough to distract Short Shorts, Dickler, and the other guys from the coleslaw wrastlin on the tube. This was also the site for No Blow's Muscrat Love.

10. Watching Sunk'n Shit get multiple proposals from both male and female bikers. Man, did I want a camera when Shit got on that toilet that said, "Biker Queen."

11. Observing Latrine have as much fun as a high school kid at Wild Bill's. Who was she with ... hmmm?

12. Watching hashers handle turkey legs like cave men. Turkey legs are good for drunks.

13a. Participating in informative namings. We asked Just Lori if she was married. She was, however, she was not married to Baaa, the guy who brought her ... Ooops. We learned that her chest was store bought (No duh, they could have stood up to a tornado). Other than her cute top, that's all I remember about her, except that we named her I-4 Whore (She travels a great deal with her job or something).

13b. Harry Potter is a hasher. He masquerades as Limp Dick's buddy. We named Just Bob, who weighs about 98 pounds, Whore-E Potter or Harry Pothead. I think it was the first one.

14. Seeing all the hashers the Virgin made-out with. Talk about sloppy seconds, That much action hasn't been seen by one female since the lovely quarter-lifter in Tampa a few years ago. For those of you who know who I mean ... well ... you know who I mean.

15. Witnessing photo opportunities. "Will you take a picture with my wife?" "Will you take a picture with my husband?"

16. Seeing why Bone's dress lacked any panty lines :-)

Some things I learned ...

Do not screw with Coconuts. Fondling her without permission will get you bit, and she is not afraid to break skin.

Do not stay in the Super 8 Motel ... especially not the room adjacent to the front desk.

Tailpipes burn real bad. They can melt flesh, whether on a leg or a face.

Do not get so drunk you can't stand up straight. Especially if the Jiffy Johns are located on the other side of a maze of Harleys. Can you say, "Dominoes?"

Do not get so drunk that you can't help but stare at distant objects to keep from spinning too bad, especially if the objects are cute girlfriends of bikers. That will get you hurt.

Do not get so drunk that you can't help but stare at distant objects to keep from spinning too bad, especially if the objects are bikers. That will get you dead.

Don't try to go to the bathroom in the Jiffy John if the Jiffy John is full to the rim. Do not even go down the urinal spout. Adhesion and cohesion are strong forces, but they are not stronger than the vibration of bikes and biker boots.

Do not bump intoxicated people in circle, they are not anything like Weebles.

Do not breathe in too much near the burnout area. Can you say, "Black Gold?"

Stepping on the feet of bikers on the dance floor is not a good idea. Stepping on the feet of biker babes is a worse idea.

Just because a shot is free, does not mean it is worth doing, especially if it burns like a Listerine fireball.

A Sunday morning sundae at Friendly's is great for a hangover ... believe it or not. However, it is not as good as a spicy, cold and strong bloody Mary.

Again, do not screw with Coconuts.

People who deserve thanks ...

The owner of Iron Horse ... He gave us fifty mugs and told us those mugs could be used to get free beer from 3 to 4 or 4 to 5 or something like that during events for as long as you own the mug.

The owner of Tomoka Pub ... Marty tried to give us a keg (Why didn't we take it for free? We were too embarrassed for not emptying it, I guess). He also let us run reign over his pub.

The owner of Wild Bill's and Pig Pen who gave us a great deal on alcohol.

Yatch, who made and gave us the stickers we used as tattoos and backings for the tags.

Gilligan and Waayyy for putting the tags together.

Neutered for getting and donating the t-shirts.

Keith, Divide My Pi and Paid to Lay, Richard Pierce and Pussy Comes Early, Flash, and Bone My Ass for acting as chauffeurs throughout the event.

Divide My Pi and Paid to Lay for providing those mind-numbing jello shots.

IP and HR for giving Gilligan a place to sleep.

All the people who cut out stickers and put them on mugs.

... and finally ...

A special thanks goes out to Waayyy Beyond Gay. Though the hotel situation didn't work out the way he wanted it, he worked his ass off to get a ton of free stuff and great deals. A mug, shirt, tag, stickers, and a boatload of beer for twenty bucks. We look forward to next year!

Ciao!

-No Blow

Last modified: Saturday, 2009-Mar-07 05:30:58 PM EST