Rattle Snake Island 2003 - DBH3 Hash #725

This, like all the previous Rattlesnake Island hashes, was a very painful trail with many bi-valve mollusk shells, a variety of slicing palms, a few pointy cacti, a bunch of bugs, a lot of slime, disappearing islands, bobbers, sand dunes, heat, water, beer, boats, bikinis, drunks, people wishing for more beer, suntan lotion, glasses, cups, cans, complaints, applause, tears, and more beer. The trail was the definition of shiggy. It was a trail that an adventurous hare would be proud to call his own. Three primary boats escorted hashers across bodies of water to various islands, islands that obviously were not always above water. Once on each island, the hashers bled their way through clams and trees, over sand and stickers, and on to a different part of the island's edge. For some reason, two of the main boats had beer ... Did someone not trust Thor with beer?

Many of the hashers were quite scared to find Gilligan at what he called the end of the trial. In lieu of drinking, some of us played football, Amelia and Momma got naked and made out with each other, Blow Jack lifted weights, Semi and R showed their daughter how to snorkel, S-Wax and Slow Poker played checkers, Jerkoff flirted with Mary, Gilligan flirted with Time Killer, Bone My Ass giggled, and everyone else stood around staring at Momma and Amelia. OK, that last sentence wasn't true. But, wouldn't it have made a great movie?

Various people asked, "Where are the boats? Where is the beer? What the hell is going on?" Gilligan swore up and down that the boats would be there any minute. He swore he showed Thor exactly where to go. Luckily, No Blow and Skinamax had their phones on them. No blow called Max, Max gave his phone to Thor, No Blow gave his phone to Gilligan, and the yelling and crying began. It seems that Thor went to the wrong place or Gilligan screwed up. Which is more logical here, Hmmm?

Later, during circle, Thor called himself in for not getting the boats to the correct ending (He pointed out that he could have blamed the whole debacle on Gilligan and that we would have believed him, but he was a real nice guy and really wanted to do Gilligan's down-down for him), Gilligan called in Indiana Jerkoff for being the original co-hare and founder of the Rattle Snake Island Hash, Brandon did the virgin down-down, and Limp Dick tried to climb in circle for breast-augmented people were called in (Trigger, however had the augmentation people actually wished to look at - Has anyone else seen the way Limp can make his chest cave in like that? Perhaps you were looking at something else, eh?).

Out-of-Towners included ToTTs from Jax, Sperm and Chip from Japan, Slow Poker and S-Wax from the Melbourne area, and a bunch of Orlando people, including Two Dogs Fucking (He looked a lot like Dirve), R Tits, Semi, Sweet Ass, Cher, and Just Kibbles. All the friends of Three Phase Cock Spitter were also sort of out-of-towners. After circle, the boats took us back to the starting shore. Many of us went to the North Turn, some went home, and some tried to go to Skin's.

Special note: Flash is still alive, Flash is still alive. Flash was told by a cop that his car should probably be moved in order to avoid it getting towed. Flash obliged, but he couldn't pick up the scent of the trail. He didn't worry, he simply went to the ramp where the boats left. Unfortunately, that is not where the boats were waiting. Oh well ... our lovable Flash went home and worked on his house. We will see him this Wednesday.

A big thank you to the boat drivers who showed up on time even with little or no directions. Sweet, Dire, and Thor ... Thanks! Great job, Gilligan. We look forward to next year.

-No Blow

Last modified: Saturday, 2009-Mar-07 05:30:58 PM EST