The Daytona Beach Hash House Harrier's most recent run happened on January 10th. NO BLOW, the hare, started the run at the Blind Pig Pub in DeLand (The city is often times referred to as Dull-Land, DeadLand, or Duh-Land). He attempted to lead runners and walkers alike through a playground (He laid TP through the nets, spinning tires, monkey bars, etc.), down some railroad tracks that hadn't been used in years (It was a bit scary running trail down those dark paths.), through a huge cemetery (Flour was not laid on grave sites. It was only laid on the paths of the multi-block area, around the plots where the dead bodies were planted), into a concert pit (A wooden disk about 6 or 7 meters in diameter, 2 meters below the ground's surface, and located in the middle of Stetson's sorority row), and down and up a sink hole (Signs around the hole said, "No Swimming," but it was dried up. People who ran through this hole, ran through it twice ... a CB19 greeted those lucky hounds). The run ended at PURPLE PECKER EATER'S pad.

Now, why would the author write, "He attempted to lead runners and walker alike ..."? Because only a handful of the 22 hounds actually ran trail. Everyone seemed to mysteriously know where the end was. Actually, it was no great mystery. PURPLE and her 3 virgins knew for obvious reasons, MOMMA knew because NO BLOW knew, SKINAMAX knew ... How did he know? - heh ..., LATRINE WOLVERINE knew because the beer drivers (MT. DORA and PUSSY GOURMET) knew, and STUDWITCH (Yes, believe it or not, STUDWITCH and MOTHSUCKER both showed up.) used to work with PURPLE. THOR, Mr. Ranger himself, saw PURPLE sprinting towards her pad and decided to follow her. At a check, Purple ducked off into the shadows to leave THOR to run the YBFs. She was proud of f*cking THOR on trail. Since all the virgins had split up, they each led a few other runners in. That left a few people to actually mark checks and run trail ... SUX CROTCH, SPEEDY, SPERM BURP, NEUTERED, GILLIGAN, and LIMP DICK (The young, well-hung hasher named at the Tampa nude resort). JUST PAM was in there somewhere, too.

We were all partying inside when we realized three runners (walkers) were not in yet. After waiting for a half hour we went out and found SIR FLATULOT, POTTY FLAVOR, and his virgin (He told some lady about hashing the night before in a chat room. She liked the sound of it and drove up from Orlando without knowing a soul.) walking trail a half mile away. They claimed someone marked a check in cemetery the wrong way. Because they had made it that far, they decided to pass on the ride back and to finish the trail, so the rest of us decided to start the circle without them. NO BLOW started the circle in back of PURPLE's living quarters. He rushed things because of the dropping temperature, but people were actually "warming up to the beer" so to say. First the hare drank, then the virgins took a swig. We were concerned about the virgins fitting in, but a few whipped out flasks ... end of story. MARTY, the fifth virgin, decided to run after MOMMA pulled him into the group at the Blind Pig. He was from New York and would have been content chugging brewskies at the Pig, but we were just too interesting for him to pass up. PURPLE was the FRB (Gee, how did that happen?), and you already heard about the three DFLs.

Only a few hashers had to drink when the call was for people who had not seen GILLIGAN drunk. Other than the virgins and a couple newbies, everyone had seen this scary event a few times. Gilligan thought it might have eliminated many people - silly man - heh. Down-downs for auto-hashers, hash-shirt-check, birthdays (Actually, only POTTY got in ... He had a January divorce.), and a naming followed. STEVE, on his fourth run, fires cannons as a weekend warrior with FATTY and is a surveyor. Voyeur, loaded gun, half cocked, cannon balls, and hot rod were all mentioned, but he will forever be known as HALF COCKED ROD. CUM DUMPSTER's idea to name HCR cannon balls came after the circle. After all those down-downs, the whistle-check people got in to do theirs. Two Stetson cops stopped them in their tracks. It seems some neighbor didn't like the noise and called the police in on us. PURPLE couldn't weave enough magic to let us stay outside, so we crammed into her soon-to-be beer-covered house.

After inside, the whistle-checkers did their thing, followed by an overachiever down-down for Mr. Marathon Man (FATTY ran a marathon). It hurt him though, which explains why the regular FRB was a DFL. GILLIGAN did a down-down because Bob Denver had his 65th birthday this month, MOMMA did one for screaming out that it was John Denver (MT. DORA supposedly suckered MOMMA into this action), FLATULOT did a few more for whining and avoiding beer for the past month, and FLATULOT did even more when he was rewarded both huyas. He swore up and down that somone wasn't going to get her cooter licked that night. PUSSY gave us a great deal of ammo to get FATTY the huyas ... whining, not drinking for a while, being so damn competitive, etc. The people left at the 50% rule mark were the notorious hashers. How this happened, we do not know. SKINAMAX, THOR, NEUTERED, and SPERM BURP were left to drink. Actually, the 50% rule was too early. SPERM BURP had just returned from her romp in Europe with Mr. CHIPPENDALE, so the ol' too long between thing should have caught her. Thus, we did the too long between after the 50% rule.

Since we were approaching 10, we threw off our hats, dropped our beers, and sang a double-time version of Swing Low. Pictures were taken, stories were told, and everyone survived and had fun. Poor PURPLE was so kind as to clean up after her 25 guests. The beer stench will last longer than the stench left when her sewer pipes broke. Will she still be smiling when she finds all her panties missing and those nude pictures of her on the Internet - Who knows?

On-Out!

-No Blow

Last modified: Saturday, 2009-May-02 08:44:27 PM CDT