It's been a while since anyone has had the energy, desire, time, and enough sobriety to write a DBH3 Hash Trash but due to a growing turnout and rocketing expansion of our club, its time to start up again.

21 Hounds showed up at Beef O'Brady's in Port Orange to begin our weekly ritual of getting drunk and then stumbling on trail. The Daytona "Traveling Team" were full of stories from the Tampa Naked Weekend Hash. It seems that Daytona won most of the Gold at the Hash Special Olympics! We won't bore you with all the details (you really have to hear them in-person), but who would have known that little 'ole Daytona has such a talented twat amongst us? We are especially proud of our newest member, Virgin Joe, who won the Biggest Dick contest (move over, PD!). Crotch Duster swears that it is simply an optical illusion, because VJ is a lanky guy. Co-hares Sperm Burp and Paddle Me led the pack off into the darkness only to be "lightened up" by an array of beautiful yet tacky Christmas lights. The trail was noticeably absent of shiggy but did provide the hounds with a spectacle of holiday décor rivaled only by the finest trailer parks in Florida. One beer stop along the way gave the pack that due refreshment after a lengthy and exhausting 1 ½ mile run (which was dubbed the half way point). No Blow led the pack in as the half way FRB with walkers Mount Dora, Latrine Wolverine, Pussy Gourmet, Crotch Duster, and Cock Pit bringing up the rear. After slamming a beer (or two), we were off again running through the "upper crust" of Port Orange with dogs nearly attacking one or two hashers and Cum Dumpster nearly falling off of a pipe into what was assuredly a cesspool ditch.

The pack finally made its way to the end, which was out in the middle of a wooded area (the kind most notably for shallow graves and such) and was led in by FRBs Sir Flatulot and Neutered. Ironically enough, No Blow was the DFL after taking the wrong "path" (not marked by our hares) in the shiggy portion of the trail. After considerable and gratuitous whining, No Blow began his duties of RA and began the circle festivities. Some of the down-down highlights:

In order to keep everyone festive, the group decided to allow Christmas cranium gear in the circle. Cock Pit announced that she would be "Stunt Cunt" for Crotch Duster because he had to fly early the next morning (since when are pilots sober?). The hares were appropriately honored and the RA called for the normal down-downs. No Blow had to do a "double" down-down for being both FRB and DFL (Silly guy - he actually thought that the SB and PM would mark trail through the "Shiggy Opportunity"!). Poor Virgin Steve - it was his first Hash and his birthday is in December.

After the standard down-downs, He Wrecked Her Pad for using her cooter as a change purse at the Tampa Naked Hash over the weekend - she picked up 12 quarters without the use of her hands (imagine that, HWHP naked!!); Pussy Gourmet for having so many college degrees and still being unemployed; Gilligan for, well, just being Gilligan; Just Steve for being a virgin; at least a dozen private party down-downs because the Deltona/Deland crowd all have ADD, and a sundry of other assorted infractions. Hell, we had so many that we had to have an intermission in order to get beer refills. Mt. Dora received an Accusation for impersonating I.E from the Carolina Trash (remember the guy who always carries a back-pack?) - she wore her back-pack the entire trail AND throughout down-downs! Sperm Burp resurrected the old Huya from the original Daytona Hash of 200 years ago (back when Thor had brown hair, Mullet liked to be hare, and Gilligan had hair) and it was awarded to Gilligan, well, for being Gilligan. Our GM Neutered announced a new "rule" for the both the old "Huya" and the "new" hash shit - it could only be given to a hasher who regularly attended DBH3. The pack unanimously decided to give the Hash Shit to Neutered for imitating BVD GM Kojak by creating a rule! You just can't win!

After that the pack was off to Chilli's since every other bar/restaurant in town closes at 9:00 P.M. in Hooterville...err I mean Port Orange. We quickly realized that we were in the wrong place when all of the waitresses said "hello" to Sir F - he probably keeps a shrine of their panties in his closet! HWHP, Potty Flavor, and others then participated in coaster throwing contest which resulted in one landing the food of a customer in the Bar (you just can't take us anywhere). The customer (weighing about 130 pounds, long hair, and wearing a skin tight T-shirt) leaped out of his chair to single handedly take on Skin-a-Max (weighing in at 230 pounds, and looking to rip this guys head off) and the rest of the pack. We quickly defused the situation by promising not to through anymore coasters and buying the young man a case of Shaffer Light to load into his '74 Camero and take it back to the trailer park to share with his friends around the burn barrel.

So ends another successful Hash with the DBH3!

On On!

(Anonymously reported by SF & PG)

Last modified: Saturday, 2009-May-02 08:44:27 PM CDT