DBH3 Hash #762

2004-Apr-07

Hare: Gilligan, Just Pam (not Just P.A.M)

Hounds: Amelia Airfart, Bone My Ass, Burning Bush, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Flash, F*ckin' Goofy, I Wear Short Shorts, Just Chuck, Just Diane, Just Laura, Neutered, Nunya F*ckin' Business, Old Ironside, Paid 2 Lay, Popa Tard, Richard Pierce, Rolling Hooters, Semen Hole, Sunk'n Shit, Tongue-n-Groove, Wish You Were Queer, Yoke Choker

Disappearing Hound: Just Tim (not sure if chalk talk or the rumour of his impending naming scared him off, but he bailed before trail)

Visitors: Finger Licking Good (Sir Walter H3-Raleigh, North Cacalacky)

The beer that was designated for this week's hash was a leftover keg from Bike Week...you people ought to be ashamed of yourselves, leaving all that beer undrank! (Iis that a word??) Gilligan informed us that hash cash would be paying for pizza at the end...oh sure, he tells us that after we already ate at Chick-Fil-A. Our visitor, Finger Licking Good works for Quizno's Subs-they have a pepper bar-as a regional manager or something. He informed us of this after he heard Amelia & Tongue singing that f*cking annoying song from their commercial. Those little vermin are called sponge monkeys, by the way.

The first part of trail took us around a big ass scummy pond behind Lowe's, then into some shiggy (do I even need to say that anymore?). This trail had lot of places for weary hashers to rest. We passed a couch or two and so many mattresses that it looked like a mattress graveyard. Some of them looked a little worn out. Every crack whore in Volusia County probably comes here to, you know... (Okay, I just grossed myself out!)

The DFL trio of Amelia, Tongue & Cockpit were having quite a time in the shiggy. Cockpit kept tripping on every little root or vine she could find. Amazingly, Amelia & Tongue were able to avoid them altogether. Walked past a field that smelled like cows even though there were none...maybe Amelia was a little flatulent. We heard voices ahead and hoped it was hashers and that we weren't about to get shot for trespassing. We were surprised that none of our cohorts came back to check on us...oh, wait, no we weren't. More THICK shiggy...those freakin' palmettos really SUCK! Quote from Tongue: "F*cking ow and stuff!" Word of advice to Tongue: You might want to wear a shirt bigger than a postage stamp when Gilligan is haring. Finally made it to the beer check...somewhere...in a driveway or something.

Gilligan was being very nazi-like and wouldn't let Cockpit, Amelia and Tongue auto hash...bastard! Waayyy Beyond Gay and Old Ironside felt sorry for them, though, and picked them up after they thought Gilligan was gone, but he saw them and got mad. They didn't care and thought about mooning him, but that would have required too much energy. Never mind. Meanwhile, Crotchduster faceplanted into a canal at a which-way--dumbass! He apparently tried to cross on some landscape timbers (that's the term he used-I would have called them pieces of wood) and slipped. (He said canal funk came out of his ass when he took a shower later. Needless to say, he got no sex that night.) Crotchduster and Richard Pierce got cop-blocked when they tried to run down the canal bank, then got lost in a neighborhood with a big ass Easter display. They weren't the only ones that got lost. Popa Tard and Neutered never made it to the end either, which was next to I-95 under the Williamson overpass. Quizno's Subs was the FRB. Apparently, they actually run in North Cacalacky. (I know nothing about the actual 2nd half of trail because I autohashed and it was good, and there was much rejoicing.)

Circle, and I use that term loosely, was total chaos in No Blow's absence. Not a good way to impress the visitor. We didn't even try to name Just Pam. We couldn't even handle the usual down-downs and accusations, a naming would have been disastrous. Rumor has it that this was Rolling Hooters' 25th hash, but her ass twin No Blow wasn't there to give her her whistle.

We found the lost hounds (and wet Crotchduster) back at Chick-Fil-A, then went to Gilligan's love shack for pizza.

Peace and stuff,

-Cockpit

Last modified: Saturday, 2009-Mar-07 05:30:58 PM EST