2003-Jul-04
Hare: Waaayyy Beyond Gay
Hare-Aides: Waaayyy Beyond Gay
Cooks Extraordinaire: Lazer Lips & Just Tim
Hounds: Salad Shooter, No Blow, Momma, Cockpit, Wish U Were Queer, Tongue-n-Groove, Amelia Airfart, Gilligan, Sunk-n-Shit
Visitors: Bike Bitch, Suckulater, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Kittylingus, Dick Sniffah (BVD) Mothsucker, Studwitch, Mothsucker's Mom (Orlando)
We met at Lazer Lips' house in Flagler Beach and looked quite fetching in our red, white and blue togas (except for Cockpit & Bike Bitch - Cockpit didn't wear a toga at all and Bike Bitch wore a gold, white and purple toga - close enough - he's really old and probably can't distinguish colors anymore). Momma was wearing a bikini top under her toga and for some reason, Gilligan kept asking her to jump up and down. Amelia Airfart & Tongue-n-Groove were absolutely fabulous in their star print togas handmade by Amelia mere hours before they arrived. Wish You Were Queer's (also made by Amelia) looked a little girlie, though. (Dude, don't let her use the fancy ribbon next time.)
A cop (Officer Steve Johnson, for future reference) in a boat pulled up to the dock and started chatting us up and videotaping us. We were a little worried that he may be using that videotape as evidence later. He just stopped to chat because he thought we looked cool, not because we looked like troublemakers or anything. No, not us.
Lazer Lips and Just Cindy were designated dropper-offers so we piled into their vehicles for the ride across the bridge to the start. Circle Blow was very, very happy that she didn't have to walk across the big scary bridge. The drop off point was a parking lot next to the first bar, which was a fine establishment called Mother's. So, we're sitting there drinking our beer, watching the world go by, when all of a sudden we see some bicycle cops across the street drop their bikes and go running down to the beach. We watched in amazement as they multiplied and eventually numbered about 20. It seems punk #1 stole punk #2's shoes and punk #2 beat punk #1's ass to a bloody pulp (at least that's the story a local yokel told us) and it took every cop in Flagler Beach to subdue them. All 120 pounds of them. It was like a live taping of "Cops"- quite entertaining. We snuck out and took a few pictures in front of the patrol cars and ambulance. Waaayyy Beyond Gay assessed the situation and decided that it was safe to go ahead with his chalk talk anyway. Mothsucker was very helpful and laid down and let WBG draw a chalk outline of him. This is the lesser known "dead guy on trail" mark. The cops were watching our every move and were actually quite amused. One of the ambulance dudes (what do you call them?) (paramedics ed.) asked us, "Do you want him declared dead?" "Sure," we said. Dude said, "Okay, he's dead." Pretty fucking funny!
On-on we went through the human shiggy lined up all along the street. They loved us and our togas, by the way (except for Cockpit). We made a pitstop for a photo op on the beach with some of WBG's friends, one of whom was apparently very happy to see us. She could have poked someone's eye out with those things. Then the hare took us through even more human shiggy as we walked through a vacant lot - parking lot - whatever it was - on the way to the next bar, which was Finnegan's. They have a cool rooftop deck there, but they wouldn't let us up because it was full. So we sat inside and had visions of the whole thing crashing down on top of us.
The next stop was for apple pie shots out of WBG's car in a parking lot. These weren't your typical apple pie shots though because we were using Captain Morgan spiced rum instead of Vodka. (I was told they were pretty tasty - I couldn't imbibe because of my 27 hour drive home!) The boys kept spilling rum and apple juice all over Momma's chest and she made them lick it off. Poor guys-that must have been horrible for them. Kittylingus proved several times that he wasn't wearing anything under his toga.
Next we stumbled under the bridge to the Dockside Bar, where they only have pitchers of beer on Wednesdays. WTF? Who made that rule? The manager made up for it by giving us a so-called "discount" on beer and he gave us free shots of some sweet red stuff. Amelia & Tongue-n-Groove tried unsuccessfully to get a ride from some boaters so we wouldn't have to walk across that damn bridge. Where was Officer Steve Johnson when we needed him? Circle Blow, No Blow, Dick Sniffah and Mothsucker auto-hashed in WBG's Deathmobile back to the start. Apparently, WBG's car needs a little TLC. Clicking CV joints (I have no fucking idea what that is - No Blow told me to say it), whining transmission, gurgling horn, bent wipers, dirty windows and strong smell of gasoline had the hashers a tad bit frightened. WBG insists there is nothing wrong with his car - he plans to drive it to Nevada later this summer. The rest of us wankers (except Studwitch who had a sudden burst of energy and decided to r*n) made the long walk over the bridge and were surprised by another beer check when we got to the bottom.
We decided to eat before we circled up so the TONS of food that Lazer Lips & Just Tim had prepared wouldn't get cold. What a feast! Fried catfish, hushpuppies, burgers, hotdogs, baked grits, coleslaw, corn, chips, apple pie - YUM! Our hosts really outdid themselves. Amelia broke out her lethal jello shots for dessert. There was maybe about a tablespoon of water in those things-the rest was alcohol! Needless to say, when it came time for circle, we were all miserably full. No Blow, who was drinking water all night because he had an infucktion and was taking antibiotics, did quite well controlling our unruly asses. (I have absolutely no memory of the circle or any accusations that were made - just use your imagination.)
Thanks to Waaayyy Beyond Gay for a FABULOUS time!!! It would have been a perfect Fat boy pub crawl if it weren't for that damn bridge!
See you soon-
-Cockpit
Last modified: Saturday, 2009-Mar-07 05:30:58 PM EST
