2003-Dec-17
What: The Annual Christmas Light Hash
Location: Neutered's Pool House and Pad
Hare: Neutered (with help from Instant Relief and Sunk'n Shit)
Hounds: 8's Enough, Amelia Airfart, Blow Jack, Bone My Ass, Cooter Pie, Divide My Pi, Gilligan, I Wear Short Shorts, I'm So Fucked, No Blow, Paid to Lay, Pappa Tard, Peterphile, Richard Pierce, Shit Dickler, Sunk'n Shit, Thor, Tongue in Groove, Waayyy Beyond Gay, Just Brian
Virgins: Brenda, Karen, and Todd
Trail started at Neutered's Pool House. It was quite odd when only six people had arrived just before 7, but about twenty people showed up at the last minute.
People visiting the hash included Virgins Karen and Todd, who work with Pappa Tard, had no idea who we were, what to expect, or if their co-worker would be joining them. I explained to them that Pappa Tard pretty much tells everyone at the hash that he'll be there pretty much every week and that he pretty much never shows up when he says he'll be there (Pappa's list of excuses usually have to do with a medical problem ranging from athlete's foot to blue balls or family matters that have to do with his future-ex-wife, Cummy Tummy). Pappa did, however, show up.
Another Virgin, Brenda, arrived with I'm So Fucked. For some reason, these two ended up getting lost for about five minutes on trail. We all were left wondering what happened during that time frame. ISF only smiled. Brenda, by the way, is a true hasher ... period.
The Christmas lights were awesome. I don't remember the name of the little community, but simply turn on to Taylor from Dunlawton, drive to the end, go right, take your first left, take your first right, and go around the circle. These people get everyone from Dominoes Pizza to Fred's Dry Cleaning to support their efforts to collect gifts for Toys for Tots (not 4 Twats). The community must have a few Gilligans, because one guy took three months to set up his house of train sets and a handful of the people have gone mad-crazy with their jigsaws and paint. There must have been a few hundred fairly large painted cut-outs of angels, famous cartoons, snowmen, Santas, etc. The power-outages in Volusia County over the past month could be blamed on this one little sport. The number of lights combined to make something seeable from space. The fire hazards that must have been presented by stringing together 15 cords in a line would make Fire Marshal Bill happy. Good show!
In circle, down-downs were given because five were FRBs (This included Virgins, Thor and Peterphile), five were DFLs (This included Neutered and Sunk), and the rest were auto-hashers. Some hashers donated gifts to the Toys for Tots, three were virgins, many were too-long-betweeners, Gilligan was unemployed, Waayyy had a birthday, and Cooter was from out-of-town.
We tried to name Brian. Brian, of course, is the husband of 8's Enough. Brian was not allowed to come to the hash until after the two were married ... strange? Anyway, Brian is some kind of computer geek. Only Blow Jack, who works at the Kennedy Space Center, and Gilligan, who worked many many many years ago, knew what the heck all those stinking computer-related acronyms meant as he was spitting them out describing his job. For some unknown reason, Amelia Aifart asked Brian if he had ever had a blumpkin. "What the Hell is that?" we all asked. Doh, we fell into that crappy trap. Later, Tongue asked Brian about a Rusty Carmichael or a Greasy Lombardo or some other thing. After Amelia's definition of her phrase, we cut Tongue off at the head. Names offered up for the man had to do with acronyms (They included ComeDaddyCum, CrapEightCrap, DodgeTheTurdSpewMeister, or ComputerGeeksNeedLoveToo). Many names had Blumpkin in them ... Blumpkin Patch, The Great Blumpkin, Bumpin Blumpkins, Eights Blumpkinned Me, Blumpkin Pi or Blumpkin Pie (Divide's or Cooter's relative?), and Blumkin Geek Computer Guy Who Married Eights Under False Pretenses. However, Shit Dickler named him, and we all agreed ... Here's to Peter Peter Blumpkin Eight Her he's true blue, he's ... After the naming (or before), Tongue and Groove earned her 25th DBH3 whistle. Yes, Tongue and Groove earned her 25th DBH3 whistle. Seriously, Tongue and Groove earned her 25th DBH3 whistle. Once put around her neck, she was tugged straight to the floor. Blow Jack offered to help her up if she demonstrated that rusty thing, but she refused because it was not a Wednesday or something.
Following circle, we journeyed to Neutered and Instant Relief's for some wonderful vittles. We had a variety of tacos, some great fishy-salad stuff and hot cider from Sunk'n Shit, and some great cold beverages. Thanks to Instant, Neutered, and Sunk for a splendid spread!
By the way, a blumkin is simply the simultaneous interaction of a fecal-dropping procedure and an oral ejaculatory process.
Ciao (Two down and one to go...)!
-No Blow
Last modified: Saturday, 2009-Mar-07 05:30:58 PM EST
