DB2H3 Bash #9

2003-Nov-08

Hares: Lollipoop and his Lovely Bride, Just Kim

Hounds: Snake My Hole, Peace Whore, No Blow, Big Gulp, Short-Shorts, Virgin Bill

The Basher Hounds gathered together for the ninth Bash with their polished and gleaming Acoustic Motor Bikes, waiting for a sign that the Hares would actually show up. Everyone admired Short-Shorts new hoop earring. While they waited, Virgin Bill got a glimpse of how Short-Shorts earned his name. Virgin Bill was from Orlando and had to come over to Daytona anyway, so he looked us up on the internet and VOILA! Before the Bash even started, Virgin Bill made the comment, "Boy, this group sure is different from the guys I usually ride with." We innocently thought he was referring to our crude K-Mart model Acoustic Motor Bikes and told him to just wait, the best was yet to come.

The Hares finally showed up and admitted they had never actually attended a Bash though Lollipoop had once helped Thor hare a Bash. The Hounds then shamelessly pressed Lollipoop for details about the trail and were reassured to find that the water would only be knee-deep at most on this trail.

Trail followed Grenada west until we hit a shopping center and lost trail. We roamed, ranged and circled the parking lot, looking like a bunch of middle-aged BMX wannabe's. Snake demonstrated his curb-hopping skills. After checking the whole parking lot, the garden area and the dumpsters, we decided to cross the street. Lo and behold--there was trail!

We continued on pavement for awhile but then things got a little bushy! Er--I mean Hairy! Yeh, that's it--hairy! We started out with some great "whoop-de-doo's" and woodsy trails. Short-shorts fell into the lead and got so carried away with his victory that he completely missed a right turn. No-Blow was gracious enough to wait for him after we had gone another mile and still no Short-shorts (visions of deliverance danced in our heads). We really needed Short-shorts because he was the only one who had actually brought a whistle for trail. We followed the busy road for awhile wondering if all that toilet paper down in the ditch was really the trail. Then we went back into the woods again, but this time it was a regular shiggy-fest. There were more whoop-de-doos, some fun puddles and hills, accompanied by the aroma of animal carcass.

As we rolled past the Beer Near markings, we were assaulted by the sounds of nearby gun shots and children's laughter. Where could we be? Were there really crazy children nearby shooting guns at us? Were they drunk? Were they rednecks? Suddenly, around the next bend, there were the Hares! Alas, too soon it seemed, this lovely trail had ended. Snake My Hole was FRB and the Big Gulp/No Blow duo were DFL.

Richard Pierce pulled up in his truck and gave us some cock and bull story about having to get his hair cut or something? I think he just doesn't like getting his bike dirty. No Blow went on strike and refused to conduct circle since Richard was the GM here. Richard played the bashful boy and wouldn't sing or direct, so one of the bossy female hashers had to step in and get the ball rolling.

Peace Whore tried her best to master the ceremonies. One bright spot was the lack of cups. We had to do full-beer down-downs. As usual, Snake My Hole forgot to take his hat off in circle and was subjected to several down-downs in a row. Just Kim and Peace Whore discussed the pitfalls of pube-shaving, and Just Kim was proud to show us all her mammaries, giving No Blow a special private viewing of her carpet. There were mandatory down-downs for dweebs who had kickstands, for those who weren't wearing any underwear (the number would amaze you), and Blood On Trail. Peace Whore got so carried away with her duties that she actually started singing Amazing Grace at the end instead of Swing Low. For some reason, this really amused the sacreligeous Bashers.

After circle, half the bashers piled their bikes in Richard Pierce's truck and rode back, spraying Lollipoop's truck liberally with black mud on the way out of the woods. Snake, No Blow and Virgin Bill decided to ride back as it was only about a mile. Some time later, we were sitting at a table outside of Houligans wondering where in the world those bashers were. Had they been kidnapped by Gypsies? Turns out they thought it would be too boring to just ride a straight line north up Clyde Morris Blvd and join us at the on-after. It was much more fun to take a detour east to Nova Road and then return via Grenada.

Overall, Lollipoop and Just Kim did a great job of laying trail (though some whiners wanted more punishment than 7.5 miles of shiggy). They did an excellent job of keeping the hounds together and providing a scenic trail. Thumbs up and pants down for another great BASH! See you at number ten!

-Peace Whore

Last modified: Saturday, 2009-May-02 08:47:42 PM CDT